2025/05/19

i feel i am an utterly stagnant, unchanging thing at the moment. wiling away the time by wishing i was a vampire in the lost boys. my old entries are archived as of now.

recent developments: had a haircut. my hair is chin-length now. so utterly lulu. i’m job-hunting after quitting my waitressing gig in february/march to focus on college. you can’t last long with no job these days. i’m also looking for a therapist and a new apartment (hopefully a roommate for the latter too). both are like pulling teeth, especially since i quit smoking again and am taking my aggro out on the skin around my nails which i now need to heal so i can get a job. what a drag!

i am taking book, film, television, podcast, album, recipe, anything, recommendations at the minute. i need something new and exciting to read, watch, listen to, cook, breathe. variety is the spice of life, and my life is especially bland.

things which are going well in my bland life: my windowsill herb garden is growing lushly, as is the plant i hung off the shower rail. boardgame night has become more intimate again, just us girls*, which is preferred. i’m enjoying dancing in my room again and i feel beautiful and sexy when i do. maybe soon i can go to a show or the club. graduation is soon then i have free reign to live as i deem fit.

i’m going to watch some wonderful chick film in bed later. probably mamma mia or ten things i hate about you or an old musical. anything with singing that is joyfilled. without a song or a dance, what are we? well then, that’s all.

2025/06/29

moved back into my parents’. my paranoia has got really bad. it’s to the point i struggle to leave the house. i can’t stop thinking that someone is going to attack or abduct me if i leave my home among other things... it’s preventive. so i don’t get as bad as i have been in the past.

it’s put a wrench in job hunting as i’m now focussing my efforts on remote work while i get better. however, even before this, despite me having a degree, volunteer and previous job experience, i was struggling to land interviews in my field.

i should really get stable first. that’s less than feasible. therapists are scarce here so looking for one which is suitable is going to be another challenge. but my herbs are still growing. hopefully so am i.

i miss playing boardgames consistently but i’m playing a lot of video games to make up for it. i got that new dating simulator that neil newbon was in. i didn’t like his character as much as i hoped i would but there were many i loved, especially volt, eddie, dirk, stella, chance, scandalabra, betty etc.

i close my eyes, then i drift away into the magic night.